


Red

by LaneMartin13



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I mean basically, Injury, Keith & Shiro (Voltron) are Siblings, M/M, Married Matt Holt/Shiro, Matt Holt has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Protective Pidge | Katie Holt, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Trauma, everyone is protective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 10:45:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17917280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaneMartin13/pseuds/LaneMartin13
Summary: Shiro should have seen it coming.He should have known.He tried to convince himself otherwise, let the others assure him it wouldn't happen.But he knew better.His worst nightmare had come true.And he was the cause.OR: Shiro gets trapped in a memory and does something he regrets-- something he promised he would never do.





	Red

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!  
> All support is so appreciated and just the fact that you clicked on the story means so much to me, so thank you! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> \-- Lane :)

       Shiro only saw red. 

       Red bleeding over his vision, covering every part of the arena, engulfing each corner, each crevice. 

       There was only red.

       The purple of the Galra was darker in this red hue, but it didn’t register.

       Red caked his arms, soaked his hands, drenched his clothes.

       He looked down, a puddle of red formed below him.

       Whether it came from him or the body off to the side, he didn’t know. 

      He heard the whirring of the alarm signaling another opponent and he steeled himself, raising his arm and activating it. A large figure, a hybrid of orange alien and rock with tattering clothing and gold circles drawn around their eyes, came out and Shiro wasted no time in attacking. He didn’t see the figure’s mouth moving, didn’t hear them say anything as his arm whipped out and grabbed them by the neck, pinning them high against the wall and holding them there.

       Through the ringing in his ears he heard the screams of the arena chant his name. Heard them cry for blood. Heard them yell at him to end it.

       His body felt heavy like it was being weighed down, an itch under his skin and the feeling of nail raking his arms. His eyes met his opponents and they flashed with color through the red haze. Caramel.

       “— _iro!_ ” the end of a cry broke through the fog.

      “Shiro, please.” _Now. It’s just a trick. They’re messing with you again. It’s not real. None of it is real. Only this is real._

       The faint croak of “ _Takashi_ ” stilled him. Broke the haze. Loosened his grip as his eyes widened. He knew that voice. As he blinked, grey eyes focused and came back to the present and the sight horrified him. He wasn’t pining an opponent, he wasn’t choking someone about to take his life. He was killing his _husband._ The golden circles around the eyes, they had been Matt’s _glasses._ The yelling had been Matt _pleading_ for him to stop, trying to get him to come back to him. Before he could even let go in the five seconds it took him to come back, he was being violently shoved to the side, sending him tumbling to the ground and landing hard on his ass.

       Keith stood in front of him, a defensive stance in case he got back up.

      Shiro only looked at him in fright, eyes wide in disbelief as he took in his surroundings. His eyes darted to Matt.

       Matt, who was collapsed against the wall, clutching at his neck with both hands and _wheezing_ , trying to gasp in air quicker than his damaged throat would allow.

      Pidge was beside him, an arm wrapped around his shoulders and angling him toward her body slightly as if to protect him, her gaze murderous as she glared at Shiro.

      Lance and Hunk stood behind Keith awkwardly, worriedly, out of place. They looked hesitant to hurt him but he knew that they would restrain him.

      “Oh god.” Shiro finally breathed, feeling absolutely _sick_ to his stomach, his eyes darting all around the room before coming to land on his arm and staring at it in utter disgust. “Oh god, what have I done?” he whispered to himself in a berating hiss.

      Matt was still in the process of regaining his bearings but he was trying to get up immediately, attempting to get to Shiro but Pidge put a hand on his chest and pushed him back down.

       “No, Matt.” she said sternly, but gently.

      Shiro mentally thanked her. He was back, they could probably tell by now, but he didn’t trust himself. He doubted that they did either. He didn’t blame them. He had nearly killed his own husband thinking he was the enemy. The Galra had taken everything from him and when he thought they allowed him _that_ much— he was wrong.

       “Shiro, you back with us buddy?” Lance inquired gently, taking a step forward with a hand extended towards him cautiously.

      Shiro merely nodded slowly, hardly able to meet their gaze as he stood, not missing the way Pidge pulled Matt closer to her instinctively. She looked at him with worried eyes but there was anger there. Anger aimed at the Galra for doing this to him, to all of them, most definitely. But he didn’t know where that anger ended and where the anger at him began. They were close, but Matt would always come first. “I should go.” he muttered, passing them slowly to not startle them, not looking at the Holt siblings sitting against the wall, not looking at his adoptive brother who hadn’t said anything, not looking at Hunk nor Lance both of whom looked like they wanted to go after him but also wanted to move as far away as possible. Shiro continued walking, and the others knew better than to stop him right now.

       So they let him go.

       And so he went.

 ***

       “What the _quiznak_ just happened?” Lance asked incredulously, whipping around to the others in the common room as soon as Shiro was far enough away.

       “You know what happened, Lance.” Keith bit out through clenched teeth.

      “No, I _saw_ what happened. I want to know what the hell _happened_ to cause it.” Lance bit back, wanting an explanation since he had _never_ seen Shiro do _anything_ like this before. Lance had never even seen hickey’s left on Matt’s skin, he knew Shiro would never hurt him. So what happened?

       “H-He gets nightmares.” A broken and cracked voice interjected, drawing the rest to look at the two on the ground. “It’s not his fault. It’s from his time in the arena, it still haunts him. Sometimes they get so real that he wakes up not knowing that he’s safe. If on the off chance it happens, I know better than to touch him and set him off, we have a system on what to do. It’s only happened once before in the daytime, but something will trigger his memory and trap him in a day dream. This one just happened to be the worst of them all.” Matt explained, pausing in places to cough and try to bring some strength back into his voice. His throat twinged with pain with every word but he had to get them understand that it wasn’t Shiro’s fault, it was Haggar’s, Zarkon’s, the Galran empire’s.

       “He hurt you, Matt. That’s not okay.” Pidge sighed, worried about her leader but more worried about what this meant for her brother.

       “I know. God guys, I _know_.” Matt insisted when he saw their expressions. “He’s never hurt me before, he hasn’t even come close, it’s never gotten physical. It’s not his fault. Please, just let me talk to him.” he pleaded.

       “You should get checked out by Coran first, I’ll find Shiro.” Keith said, nodding at them before exiting without another word.

        “Come on man, let’s get you up.” Lance said after watching him go, kneeling down to take Matt by one of his hands, Hunk by the other, and pulling him to his feet.

       Matt rubbed his neck gently, trying rid himself of the feeling of phantom metal fingers. The bruise was blossoming, he knew that, he could feel it. He knew when Shiro saw it, he wouldn’t even want to be near him. All of their hard work, all of _Shiro’s_ work towards recovery, gone. Just like that. In less than five minutes, it had faded away into nothing. But Matt knew that Takashi Shirogane-Holt was not a quitter. So he grabbed his husband’s jacket from the couch on the way out and slipped it on, pulling the collar up to conceal the harsh color of the bruises as he was led to the infirmary.

*** 

         When Keith found Shiro, the older male was throwing himself carelessly at the gladiator, amping the levels every chance he got.

          “Shiro.” Keith said, walking in and standing near the door. “Shiro, stop.” he called to him, knowing he was being ignored. When Shiro began to get his ass kicked by the Altean robot, Keith decided he’d had enough. “End simulation!” he called out, his voice bouncing off the walls of the room as the computers did as he ordered. “You’re going to hurt yourself.” Keith said, walking over to Shiro and setting his hand on his shoulder, turning him around to face him. He assumed Shiro would be angry, fuming, maybe even a bit out of control. He had not expected Shiro’s face to wet, for his eyes to be glossy and for his expression to look defeated.

          “I hurt _him_ , Keith.” he spoke, hate evident in his tone. “I would have killed him if you hadn’t come in when you did.”

          “You had come to your senses, I saw it right when I pushed you. You stopped, Shiro.” Keith tried to soothe, dropping his hand from his shoulder to give him space.

          “That doesn’t matter!” Shiro shot back angrily, “I still hurt him. I _choked_ him. I did what he has nightmares about. How is he supposed to trust me? How is he even supposed to look at me?” he asked, more to himself than to Keith as his shoulders slumped in resignation.

          “Why don’t you stop assuming things and see him then. Ever since you got back to your senses, Matt was trying to convince us that it wasn’t your fault, even after you left. He wanted to follow you but we wouldn’t let him yet. He loves you, Shiro, and you’d be an idiot to think that this is going to get in the way of you two.” Keith assured, not knowing when he became the one equipped to give advice like this. “He married you, nightmares and all— he doesn’t care. And maybe he should.” he amended, continuing at Shiro’s wary look, “maybe he should be a bit more worried about himself and his own issues, but that’s part of your job. I haven’t seen anyone look at someone like you two look at each other. Don’t let your mistakes consume you, Takashi. They’ll only end up eating you alive.”

          “Who are you and what have you done with Keith?” Shiro asked, deflecting.

          Keith laughed, elbowing him in the side. “You’re just mad because I give better advice than you.” he teased before saying, “come on, let’s get back.”

         “Keith.” Shiro said, stopping him in his tracks and causing him to turn his head to look back. “Thank you.” he finished, watching his brother smirk lightly in the way that he does.

          "Don’t expect me to do it again.” Keith replied, but they both knew it meant _you’re welcome._ “Now go find Matt before he searches the whole damn castle for your brooding ass.” he said before leaving a still haggard, but smiling Shiro behind. 

***

           Matt had found Shiro on the bridge, gazing at the night sky.

           Shiro had walked there right after the training room, knowing it would be the first place Matt looked.

           And now here they were, sitting next to each other, the mere inches between them feeling like miles.

         Matt had zipped up the jacket all the way so the collar covered his neck and kept the bruising that Coran slathered with ointment out of sight. “I’m okay.” he asked first, his voice hurt and cracking with the statement— practically screaming the opposite. “It doesn’t look like it, or sound like it, but I am, I promise.” he swore.

         “You don’t know how sorry I am, Matt.” Shiro said, his own voice wavering as his grey eyes flickered to meet his caramel ones.

         “I have an idea.” Matt rebutted, shaking his head. “We’re married, I know you.” he continued, “Probably better than you know yourself so just trust me on this when I tell you that I know what you’re thinking.” 

           Shiro risked getting in closer, watching Matt’s reaction as his hands neared his neck, kept an eye on him to see if he made any indication that he was afraid as he unzipped the jacket down to his collarbone, pushing it to the sides to see his neck before letting his hands drop.

          Matt didn’t let them get far, catching them in his and holding them in his lap as he sat cross-legged in front of him. Their silver bands reflected the light and gleamed in off the darkness of the window. “I’ll heal. And so will you.” he assured, frowning when Shiro only looked down at their hands. Matt let go to free one of his, moving it to Shiro’s face and gently pushing his chin up with his fingers to get him to meet his eyes. “I know you, Takashi. I know that it wasn’t you, and that you couldn’t help it. I know that. I still love you, this doesn’t change anything. You don’t have to be afraid for me, afraid of hurting me, I know what I signed up for. You did too. We’ll get passed this like we always do, but you have to let me help you.” he pleaded, letting his hand drop to hold his again.

           “I can’t hurt you again, Matt. I can’t risk it.” Shiro argued, shaking his head.

           “So your plan is to what, Shiro? To divorce me? To get as far away from me as you can on this castle?” Matt challenged, his voice giving out for a moment after so he had to pause before he continued his rant. “We’re in war. People get hurt, people die, we’ve both seen that first hand. But in here? On this bridge, in this castle, we all have something good. I don’t want to lose that, and I know you don’t either. And if I’m going to die in space, being married to you is not going to be what kills me.” he stated matter-of-factly. “Being separate from you, watching you distance yourself from me for what you think is for my own good, that might kill me _and_ might even make me want to kill you at the same time.” he said light heartedly towards the end.

         “Promise me that if anything starts to happen, _anything_ , that you get away from me. If I’m not myself for even a minute, you leave.” Shiro pleaded, squeezing his hands.

           “I’ll leave if I have to.” Matt compromised, “I know what to do, I won’t let it happen.”

          “Even if—” Shiro started but was cut off by lips over his. He sighed, relaxing his body and kissing him back for a moment before they both broke apart.

          “Takashi, I know.” Matt assured, whispering now that his voice was tired.

         “I love you, that’s why I tried to leave you. You know I would never.” Shiro said, shifting to look at the stars.

         “And I love you, that’s why I won’t let you leave. I won’t let you suffer alone.” Matt said, turning to face the galaxies as well, zipping up the jacket again so neither of them had to be reminded of the blotched patches littering his neck right now. Since Shiro was still hesitant, and would be for the next few hours at least, Matt took the initiative, leaning into him. He smiled triumphantly when Shiro’s arm slowly came to wrap around his middle, shifting so his back was against the other’s chest as they watched the dark expanse before them that had become their tormentor and their home.

        Yes, they had a lot of work to do now. Yes, it would take some time before Shiro trusted himself enough again. Yes, Matt would need some time to heal as well both physically and mentally. This was all true. But as they sat there, gazing at the vast expanse at their fingertips, at ease in each other’s company, it became apparent that the Shirogane-Holt’s would always make it work.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, there it is! 
> 
> You know I'm a sucker for at least some sort of happy ending, so I hope it wasn't too bad. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading! 
> 
> \-- Lane :)


End file.
